


Breaking Point

by A_Dangerous_Disadvantage



Category: BBC Sherlock
Genre: And John loves him, Authors were harmed in the making of this story, But he's a stubborn git that loves John, I cried while making this, Johnlock - Freeform, Just assume there will be tears, M/M, Pain, Sherlock finds his heart just to lose it, Sherlock is a stubborn git, There isn't enough time, sad gay babies, this is not a happy story, tw:cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3844792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Dangerous_Disadvantage/pseuds/A_Dangerous_Disadvantage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock finds his breaking point in John Watson</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Point

I feel like I am drowning, drifting in a sea of my own dark thoughts.  _Cancer._  It repeats over and over in my head, but doesn't stick, as if my mind is coated with some form of oil slick preventing the words from sinking in and staying.  _John has cancer._

"Sherlock," he says, almost sounding collected, but he's not. I can hear it, that ever-so-slight waver in his voice.  _Stage three._  "Sit down. Let's talk about this." I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to shake him. I want to hold him. I want to apologize.

Instead, I cross the room, walking to the macabre kitchen-turned train wreck. There has to be something in this godforsaken house that can fix this.  _Terminal. I'm sorry._ "About what?" I snap, and I'm surprised how detached the words sound. I want to apologize. "There's nothing to speak of that would rid you of-- **this**."

I can hear his sigh from the kitchen, and a sharp knife of guilt twists in my stomach. This isn't fair. Why John? What has he ever done for this world except help  it. Of all people, John Watson has the most to give.  _So, why take him away from a world that so desperately needs him?_  

In a fit of rage, I throw the beaker in my hand across the room, a sliver of satisfaction curling in my stomach as it shatters. None of this can help me any more. For all my alleged brilliance, I can't find anything that could help.  For the first time, my brain fails me.

I walk into the room, my body stiff, and drop to the couch, not looking at him, because if I look at him, I'll know that John is-  _Dying_ my mind hisses.  _John is dying and you can't change it. You can't save John Watson._ _Soon this will be gone, and you can do nothing to stop it._  

"Look," he sighs. Now that I listen, I can hear the labour in his breath already creeping in, making it harder to keep his lungs oxygenated. Eventually, that will become worse and worse until he slowly suffocates. "-And I don't want to waste the time I have left fighting you. You're my best friend, Sherlock. And...I only have a few weeks left." John's words snap me from my haze.

"No," I hiss, before I realize what I'm saying, the words harsh and high in a way that probably sounds desperate. I don't care any more. John is dying and without him, none of this means  _anything._  "No!"

"Sherlock-" I hear the plea in his voice, and it's too much- I can't handle that. Not now. Not like  _this._

I stand up, now, every muscle in my body with the power of my hope. "Four months. We have four months until you succumb to your symptoms," no we don't. He's already succumbing. I see it in the lines around his eyes and clench of his jaw. He's tired. So tired. "Until then," I say anyway, "I refuse to believe you are beyond saving. I will find a way, John, to save you. Just as I have a dozen times before."

I can see the heart break in his eyes, and it's like a lead weight. I know then that I do have a heart, and right here, with this man, it's dying.


End file.
